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After my 13-year marriage came to an end, I was determined that my next relationship was to be different. I had come to realize that I was a dominant male. During this time I dated a number of women wondering how they would react if I turned them over my knee for a well-deserved spanking. There were a few I did spank, but purely for playful, erotic reasons. (I remember being surprised by how many women enjoyed being spanked) Yet, I knew I desired something more than play. I knew myself well enough to know that I wanted a relationship with a woman who wanted her man to be dominant and to lead. For me, this was as much a matter of principle as it was a desire. So not long after I started dating my wife-to-be, I made it clear to her what I expected. Although I sensed from some of the things she said that she wanted this kind of life too, I was not sure how she would react. To my great relief and pleasure she readily accepted my proposal. So I understand how difficult it is to broach this subject in a budding relationship. But the man who knows that he is dominant and that he expects to lead the relationship must sooner rather than later make clear to his new girlfriend that she can expect to be spanked if she behaves in a way that he finds unacceptable.

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Knowing exactly when to have this discussion is a delicate matter, one for which there is no formula. During the early stages the couple is discovering whether there is a basis on which to build a relationship. This is as it should be. After all, there are a significant number of factors regarding compatibility which must be explored.
However, it would be wrong to wait too long to have this discussion. It is all too easy to be swept up in the initial romantic period where things are new and exciting. It would be unfair to the woman, who has invested her heart in a man, only to learn that he propose something later to which she can not give her consent. There is no doubt that having a woman’s consent, whether given explicitly or implicitly, is essential. There is something very powerful about knowing that a woman trusts you so much as to submit to your leadership and discipline.

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If a vanilla man would meet my needs, then he wouldn't be vanilla. Being taken in hand isn't just about being spanked, it's much deeper than that and I would never let a man hit me anywhere else, or out of anger. By weeding out vanilla men, I am preventing frustration and heartache for him and me. It's one thing to enter a relationship with the right intentions and have it not work out. It's another to enter a relationship knowing full well it's not going to work. This is one of the reasons I agree with Stephen about bringing it up early on. If that nice vanilla guy runs, (which most of them have), then it is just as well because I would continue looking for this elsewhere. That isn't fair to the man. I won't use a guy until "something better comes along". However, if a nice vanilla guy is open minded about this and doesn't run, then that is another story. I should have clarified this in my previous response. I was vanilla at one point too, you never know who is going to get into this and who will remain vanilla......life is full of surprises! There are some wonderful articles here explaining the many aspects of this kind of relationship, that may give you some insight and a deeper understanding.

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Having said this, my wife and I have not had a discussion about consent since that first time. It is a subject that does not need to be revisited every time she is about to be spanked. But when first starting out, it is a matter of principle for a gentleman that he takes the time to clearly and patiently explain to his new love what she can expect from him if she acts in a way that he finds unacceptable. The man who understands women knows he must be considerate, but he must also be able to act decisively and with confidence. And he must, once he has made his wishes known and has her consent, take his woman over his knee early and often.

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I have always been of the assumption that we as members of the human race lead by example and we immulate our leaders. Dating was not even close to the norm within the confines of my home while growing up, or if it was my two sisters and I weren't aware of it. My mother said jump and my father would ask how high. Growing up as a baby boomer I would venture to guess that ninety five percent of the kids that I new in this era experienced or witnessed this same style in their homelife. That being said, I feel it is very hard for people to condition themselves to live differently then what they have come accustomed to seeing or being part of the entire time they are growing up. Unlike Noone, and you Stephen my wife was the one that brought taken in hand into our life. We are still learning but we both feel that taken in hand has had a very positive effect on our lives. Now that we have incorperated spanking I could not and would not live any other way. Our two older children were raised before I started taking my wife in hand and it seems that in both cases that the female is dominant in the relationship. Neither couple have any knowledge that we now live in a taken in hand relationship. Our youngest child is still living at home with us and knowledge of the relationship either. I am very curious to see how much differant the male dominance and control dynamic that he is witnessing will influence the way that he thinks and what he feels is needed for a happy, long lasting relationship.

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